


i’m opening my closed heart (feeling the warmth)

by callmetash



Series: there's a ghost upon the moor tonight (now it's in our house) [2]
Category: Falling Skies
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben is with Tom, Chinatown!AU, Confessions, Divergent from the 1st episode of s4, F/M, Friendship, Late Night Conversations, Maggie is with Anne, Old Feelings Waking Up Again, but i can't rest until i correct the mistakes of s4 and s5, this was meant to be something different
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 13:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8715991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmetash/pseuds/callmetash
Summary: By virtue of being the first people in Chinatown and the only ones from the 2nd Mass, Hal and Lourdes become the unofficial leaders of Chinatown and co-guardians of Lexi Mason. They try to deal.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hey my dudes, long time no see!!! (if anyone reads this???)
> 
> this is my first fic in a while--since the last one i posted on here actually (excluding all the chinatown au drabbles i wrote). ironically enough i redisovered my ao3 account while reading brooklyn nine-nine fic but i was inspired to write some hades stuff when i reread "to inspire life" and because i'd just finished my last ancient cultures subject for my minor (ancient mythologies). this whole story was actually meant to be hades/persephone!au 2.0 but my soul will not rest until i manage to show hal and lourdes having a good relationship and keeping lourdes alive and it just basically ends up with chinatown au and rewriting season 4. 
> 
> there will be other parts but i might actually have to bite the bullet and watch the rest of this show so i know exactly what i should be changing. i literally haven't watched the show since about 2014 apart from random clips and sanctuary part 2 on repeat so i apologise in advance if there are ooc moments with hal and lourdes. some of the backstory can probably be explained in other parts but yEAH APOLOGIES.
> 
> anyway i'll stop talking now and let you guys get to the good stuff ENJOY

Hal finishes writing the last name on his scouting roster with a flourish and a quiet, “ _Voila,_ ” because he really is pleased with himself—Hal Mason isn’t the organisation king by any means, but Lourdes said that since the numbers were small, it would probably help to have a system. “Plus,” she had added, “it will help you remember all their names.” 

To be fair, there aren’t many names to remember—only about ten. There are five other residents, but they’re civilians, and they help Lourdes and Lexi store and organise the stock. Lourdes trains them in basic first aid as well, because they’re low on medics and even though there are only eighteen of them in Chinatown (as they’ve come to know the place), that’s a lot of patients for a single doctor, especially if they get caught by surprise on a scout. 

Lourdes walks into their room carrying Lexi, who is holding a book in her hands, head nuzzled against the medic’s shoulder. They all sleep in the staff room of an old bookstore, which means they’re stocked up on bedtime stories for Lexi. (A good number of the books are in Chinese, but there’s still a large number to choose from, and Hal and Lourdes only need to read a chapter before the youngest Mason is out like a light.) “Oh,” she says, seeing the piece of paper Hal is fluttering about in victory, “You’ve done it?”

“I did,” Hal replies, unable to keep the pride out of his voice. “Wanna check it over?”

“Give me a second, I’ll put Lexi down first,” she says with a smile, and once Lexi is in the middle of the tatami mat they all sleep on, bundled in blankets and nuzzling against a pillow, Lourdes takes the piece of paper and spends a few moments studying it. Hal watches look over each of the names—she’s learnt all their names already, Hal’s pretty sure, even though she’s shy—and she nods with a smile when she’s done and hands the paper back. “It looks good, Hal. I think this might help everyone out. Plus, now I know who I can ask to help me in the infirmary if I ever need anyone. Or stock. Or cooking. Whatever else we need to get done.” 

Lourdes yawns and Hal is reminded that while he has a new responsibility making sure his scouts are up for their job, it’s Lourdes who sorts through what they bring back and deals with everything on the home front. Hal tries to help, but since all his post-invasion experience has been at gathering things and shooting at Skitters, he’s kind of useless with everything else (the blood makes him queasy; Lourdes knows that, but no one else needs to). 

“Rough day?” He asks, concerned, watching as Lourdes sits on the tatami mat. She looks all but ready to pass out, but Lexi has turned towards her and is expecting her story. He sits on Lexi’s other side, also ready for bed, and ready to step in if Lourdes needs him to. “I can do the bedtime story, Lo, you should get some rest—”

Lexi whines quietly in protest at the same time Lourdes shakes her head. “I’m fine. I haven’t been able to see her all day, so I thought it would be nice if we had this time together.” 

It’s true; Hal has looked after Lexi all day. He gave his crew the best ways to loot in different scenarios, and important objects to look out for—like seeds, for example, or medication. Lexi had listened intently, and he joked she could be a future scout some day (never, if he could help it; he’d never wanted Matt to be involved with the fighting, and with Lexi being much younger, he wanted it for her even less). Lourdes had spent the day trying to make the old sunglasses shop a suitable infirmary, while treating a few patients that were incomers from the last couple of days.

“Are you ready?” Lourdes asks, after she’s stifled another yawn. Lexi nods, and Lourdes opens the book and reads. Her voice is perfectly suited for bedtime stories—it’s paced well, and her voice is soothing. She could read a phone book, and Hal would be relaxed by it.

He’s so relaxed by it, in fact, that he ends up dozing off. He wakes up a few hours later. It’s mostly out of habit—waking up at stupid o’clock used to be part of the job at Charleston.

There’s a window in the staff room—not a big one, but the moon’s out, visible in the window and illuminating the two people beside him. Both he and Lourdes have arms around Lexi; the little girl is sucking her thumb. It’s nice to know that despite the craziness that surrounds her and the fact she might not be all human, Lexi can be so… normal. 

Hal’s gaze turns towards Lourdes. There’s a little jolt in his stomach as he watches her, her face slightly obscured by Lexi’s hair. He’s never seen her sleep before—they’ve always been close, but he’s always roomed with his dad and brothers or Maggie, and she’s either been with Anne or Jamil or alone—but there’s a peacefulness in her expression that he hasn’t seen in a long time, not a single ounce of tension being held in her body. Usually, when Hal wakes up in the middle of the night, it’s because Lourdes is having a nightmare, or Lexi is whining for her mom and dad; but tonight, there’s no drama, and Hal smiles a little before he goes back to sleep.

The peacefulness doesn’t stay with them all in the morning, but that’s to be expected—the alien invasion has made everything highly stressful. A family of three arrive in the morning with a wounded mother and Lourdes is called to the infirmary for the most serious work she’s done in Chinatown so far. Lourdes tells her assistants to prep the room, and Victoria, the former nurse, promises to try to do her best to slow the bleeding before Lourdes comes in. Lourdes wanders over to Hal on her way to the infirmary, and she stares at him with wide, brown eyes.

“Hey,” he says, putting his arms on her shoulders and leaning in slightly. She blinks, surprised, but she watches him with her her big eyes, terrified. “You’re going to be great, Dr. Delgado.” 

He hears her sharp inhale, and she shakes her head slightly. “No one’s called me that since I was the Mole,” she says quietly.

“You’re not the Mole anymore,” he reminds her, “And you’re still a doctor. You know how to look after people. You’re one of the best doctors I know, Lourdes. You’d never hurt someone intentionally. I know you.”

He can see Lourdes wants to argue, but he raises an eyebrow. They take a few deep breaths together; Lourdes closes her eyes for a few moments. When she opens them, the fear is gone. Only a steely determination remains.

“You’re right,” she says. “I won’t let myself be consumed by fear. I’m me again, and if I want to make things better, I have to do what I’m good at—helping people.” 

Hal grins, pulling her into a hug. It’s weird, because they haven’t hugged in a long time, but Lourdes’s arms wrap around him, squeezing him tightly before she pulls back. “There you go. Good luck.” 

The rest of the day is long. Lexi gets fussy because she’s afraid of the people, so Hal brings her back to the bookstore to read and play. When she’s suitably calm and they’ve had something to eat, he brings her to the infirmary so he can meet the new family and check how Lourdes is. The woman is sleeping soundly in a cot, her family relieved and grateful, and Dr. Delgado is making her rounds, cuddling Lexi and smiling at Hal when she sees them, exuding confidence and a peacefulness that makes Hal stare a little longer. Lexi stays in the infirmary because she doesn’t want to see more people, and he checks with his scouts, sees what the large haul they’ve brought back, and he starts putting away the stock (a miracle, really). 

He realises he’s gonna need another roster, or at least a job list, because he has a feeling that most of Lourdes’s working hours will be spent in the infirmary, since she’s no longer scared of herself in that position. He’ll do it, because she doesn’t have time for it anymore, and he doesn’t want her to be stressed out. 

There’s a lot to do in Chinatown, and since they were the first here and because the others haven’t lived in communities for so long, they’ve take it upon themselves to get things into order. It’s kind of what Hal’s always wanted, but it’s harder in practice—and so much harder because these people aren’t family. They’re not the 2nd Mass, and Hal wishes he’d had the opportunity to learn there. It’s so touch-and-go, he’s scared he’s going to make a mistake. 

_I won’t let myself be consumed by fear._

But everyone in Chinatown is living, and they’re beginning to get enough food, and they’re starting to grow some. The children play with Lexi. The adults are beginning to smiles. Lourdes is more at peace than she’s been in years, and Hal is afraid and uncertain, but so far, so good. As long as he takes each day at a time, he’s sure he’s going to be fine.

* * *

In theory, things are meant to be harder in Chinatown. Hal and Lourdes have become the de-facto leaders of the community—Hal more so than Lourdes, but she’s the one who’s reminding him who’s who as he writes up his infamous job lists and rosters—so they always have a lot of work to do, and they’re also trying to look after Lexi. In Charleston, all she did was work her doctor shift every day, and that was it. She had no other responsibilities (and to be fair, not a lot of memories after a certain point), so it’s kind of crazy how she finds everything in Chinatown easy.

It’s like she’s always meant to be doing this. And in a weird, twisted way, it’s always what she always wanted.

Before the invasion, when it was possible to think about your future in a way that wasn’t totally uncertain, Lourdes had a plan for her life. It wasn’t a big plan, but she saw herself at thirty or so, working at a hospital, saving lives, and coming home to a husband and maybe a kid or two. Her husband never had a face, and her kids had always looked like her little nieces and nephews in Parras.

There wasn’t a routine in Charleston, even though it was an established, high-tech community, because she was one of only a handful of doctors and there were more things to do. She was always on call, and when Anne was pregnant Lourdes started doing her shifts. She usually fell asleep in her scrubs, barely ate and barely talked to anyone outside of work—a part of her knows it was her way of coping without Jamil, but it had also ruined her, too.

Now, when she finishes work at the infirmary, she takes her coat off and enjoys the evening hum that settles over Chinatown, and walks back to the bookstore. Hal usually brings dinner there for her so she doesn’t have to eat in the mess hall, because she’s usually exhausted at that point and wants to see Lexi before bed. She goes to the communal showers and rinses the gunk off her and then she comes back to read Lexi’s bedtime story, or to talk to Hal if he’s already done it. Then they go to bed, and Lourdes hasn’t had a nightmare in a couple of weeks, and life is good.

Tonight, though, is a break in routine—is it weird that she and Hal have such a domestic routine?—because Hal is out on a late scout, telling her so before he left. She’s had dinner in the mess hall with Lexi, and she’s bringing back a plate for Hal to eat in the bookstore, because he knows he’s going to head straight for the showers and then right into bed. It kind of reminds her of the old days, waiting for him to come home, heart thumping excitedly. Sometimes they talked while he ate, and sometimes she was shooed off by Karen. Never would seventeen year old Lourdes think that at one point Hal would be keeping food for her. 

Lexi is tucked into bed and sleeping and Lourdes is reading over some of her patient files when Hal returns. His hair is wet and his clothes clean, and he shoots Lourdes a weary smile. Even in the dim lighting she can see the dark circles under his eyes. “Hey,” he says quietly. “Is Lex down for the night?”

Lourdes nods. “About half an hour ago.”

“She ask for me? I didn’t want to worry her,” Hal says, sitting next to Lourdes. His gaze is focussed on his little sister before he turns back to look at Lourdes, who is starting to straighten up her files, pushing the foil-covered plate towards him. He grunts in thanks. 

“Not as bad as the last couple of times.” Lourdes puts a hand on his arm. “Want some water?”

“That would be great. Thanks, Lo.” 

Lourdes glances up at him. He’s taking to calling her Lo recently—it’s not really a big deal, since it was her usual nickname outside her family (they all called her Lola), but no one’s used it since Jamil. It feels intimate, but she’s probably overthinking it. She stands before Hal realises she’s been sitting too long, and she smiles when he looks at her with gratitude. 

They talk about their day—Lourdes has organised the medicine cabinets and she’s checked in on some old injuries and is making patient files so she can keep tabs on everyone and what’s wrong with them. Hal talks about his scouting mission—“We didn’t get as many things as we wanted, but it wasn’t a waste of gas, at least.”—and how he has to organise some structural work, and he’s looking for volunteers, because they actually need some new communal areas for things, because they’re beginning to run out of room. 

Lourdes listens to Hal’s increasing to-do list for a little while before she cuts him off. “You’re a really good leader, you know that?”

There’s a flush that blooms on Hal’s cheeks that Lourdes can see in the dim light before he ducks his head and rubs the back of his neck. “Well… I’m just trying to do what I need to do,” he says, humble and incredibly flustered. “I’m just—trying to think like my dad did, you know, when he was trying to help lead the 2nd Mass. I’m not—I’m not amazing at it. I could be better. Sometimes we’re out of sync, but—”

“You’re not giving yourself enough credit,” Lourdes says firmly, and Hal peeks at her from under his lashes. “Everyone in this community respects you—the majority think you’re just as amazing as I do. They all respect your decisions because you tell them what you’re doing and why, and you own up to all your mistakes. That’s incredible—you don’t have a single critic. Doesn’t that make you better than your dad? He had plenty of critics.”

“No, that’s not true,” Hal argues. “Pope was just loud.” 

“You, Hal Mason, are a natural born leader. To be honest, I think you should’ve taken command for something ages ago.” As soon as the words leave her, Lourdes knows that they’re the truth. Hal ducks his face again, shaking his head, but Lourdes grips onto his bicep, wanting him to understand how much she believes this. “Do you trust me?” 

“Of course.”

“Then you know I wouldn’t lie to you about something like this. I just don’t understand why you can’t take the credit.” 

There’s a moment of silence, Hal still looking at his knees and rubbing his back, Lourdes holding onto his arm, the faint sounds of Lexi shifting in her sleep in the background. After a few more moments of silence pass, Lourdes pulls away. She doesn’t want to push him. To her surprise, Hal takes her wrist and holds it. Automatically, Lourdes tries to reach for Hal’s hand, and suddenly their fingers are laced together, and Hal is looking up at her. 

“The truth is—” Hal says, quieter than he was before. Lourdes leans in to hear him properly. “Is that my dad doesn’t think I’d be a good leader.”

Lourdes gasps in shock. She watches Hal, almost thinking it’s some kind of joke, but he continues to stare back, eyes tired and churning with—disappointment?—and Lourdes can’t help but shake her head. “That’s _crazy_. He’s been training you up this entire time!” 

“I never used to take this war seriously, Lourdes,” Hal says, shaking his head. He’s vulnerable—probably more so than Lourdes has ever seen him, and she tries to temper the urge to wrap him in her arms and hug him, because it would be inappropriate and not what he wants right now. “I used to think it would be over in a month. Two weeks. Maybe six, tops. And I used to want to be part of the action all the time because—well, it was kind of exhilarating, you know? I didn’t think anyone in our family would die. We were too smart for that. Mom and Dad had plans. But then Mom died—”

“Hal, you didn’t kill your mother,” Lourdes says, shaking her head. She’s heard that story (truthfully she probably shouldn’t have, but walls were thin and Lourdes and Anne had lived together in the early days of the invasion, and Tom told Anne a lot of things while Lourdes was around she probably wasn’t meant to be privy to). “I don’t understand—”

“It’s my fault that Ben was harnessed.”

Hal’s voice is strangled. Lourdes feels like she can’t breathe. 

“I was meant to be looking after him—but I heard activity. Ben, Matt, me—we were all meant to be hiding inside. But I got my old baseball bat and checked it out—I managed to scare it off. But when I came back, Ben was gone. Taken.”

“Where did he go?” 

Hal shrugs. “Ben doesn’t remember. We never figured it out. Maybe to follow me, or go find Dad—I don’t know. But it wasn’t long after we lost Mom, and my dad… well. My dad.” 

Lourdes’ mind hurtles back to a few months ago. She feels Hal holding her hand, tighter now—probably because he’s somewhere else too, reliving another memory—but her consciousness is looking up at a Charleston ceiling, strapped to a gurney, watching Tom Mason stare at her with pity, before he takes her gun and walks off, looking like a person who’s annoyed because he has to fix other people’s problems. She’d been taken over by the worms then, and the memory’s not really hers, but the hatred and the anger—it bubbles up within her, and it’s only when she hears Hal laugh bitterly that she returns to the bookshop in Chinatown, feeling a hatred for Tom Mason that’s so all-consuming, because she knows. Like everyone had blamed Lourdes for what had happened to her, Tom Mason had blamed his eldest son for what had happened to their family. 

“He probably didn’t mean it,” Lourdes says quietly, a hardness in her words that wasn’t there before. “But you’ve believed in it all this time, didn’t you? That you couldn’t be a leader because your dad said you should’ve done better by your brother.” 

“That’s because it was my fault—”

“Why isn’t it Ben’s fault for not staying put? He was sick. He had no protection. And what if the Skitter had found you anyway? Then all three of you might’ve been gone. That’s just—that’s just crazy. It’s not your fault. Everything was out of your control. A good leader does what he thinks is the best in that situation. And you did, Hal. You _did_.”

“These people aren’t my _family_ , Lourdes. They don’t need to trust me, they don’t even need to care about what I say—and they do. And then there’s you and Lexi.” Hal is babbling now. His voice cracks and Lourdes can see he’s on the verge of tears. “I gave up Lexi to Karen. I kidnapped her and Anne. And I gave you the eye worms; I made you the Mole. It’s my fault everyone hates you—and it’s really my fault because I let Karen in, I let her get to us… I’ve broken so many promises to both of you, and to my family. God knows how many times I’ve hurt you too, especially when I know you used to like me—and I just. I just don’t think I could ever be a good leader. Not after all those mistakes and screw-ups. I’m just trying to make it through.” 

The urge to comfort becomes overwhelming. Lourdes moves with pure instinct: she lets go of his hand and brings hers to cradle the back of his neck, the other to his back and gently pulls him toward her. Hal all but collapses into heaving sobs as Lourdes runs her hands through his hair and rubs his back, feeling the tears fall onto her shoulder as Hal tries to muffle them to make sure he doesn’t wake up Lexi. Hal Mason has always been so much bigger, so much stronger than her, and now she’s the one supporting him, and he’s holding her like a lifeline. She wonders if anyone had asked him how he was doing after he woke up with the bugs out of his face. She wonders if anyone has ever really asked Hal how he’s felt about the past two years, truly, the way Hal used to ask her constantly back when they were still in Boston. 

“You’re not responsible,” Lourdes says, echoing what Hal has said to her so many times since that first conversation on the way back to Charleston. She doesn’t know if he believed it for himself back then, when he was trying to convince her it was the truth—but she knows it’s the truth now, because the Lourdes Delgado she’s always been has always been about love and hope and healing, and that’s who she’s been in Chinatown. And Hal Mason is their capable, kind, humble leader. “It’s okay to feel bad about those things—you’re allowed to hate that that happened to you, but you’re _not_ responsible. Do you understand me?”

Hal’s body shudders against hers, but there’s no other response. Deciding it’s too much for him at the moment, Lourdes settles on discussing something else Hal brought up in his diatribe.

“And for the record, although I was admittedly jealous that you were with Karen, you never led me on or anything. You always made it clear you had a girlfriend. I didn’t really respect the boundaries. Mostly it was because I don’t know how to flirt—I still don’t know, actually. I’d never had a boyfriend until Jamil. I didn’t know how to hide my feelings for you, and that’s not fair either.” 

She feels new tears falling onto her neck, her shoulder. Lourdes decides to let it drop and to just let him cry it out. 

They sit there for a while, and Lourdes’s back gets tired so leans into Hal as she slumps a little. Hal’s sobs turn into sniffles, and he has his arms around her waist. Finally, he speaks. 

“I was gonna ask you out, you know.” 

The hand that’s still rubbing Hal’s back stops of its own accord. Seventeen-year-old Lourdes, the Lourdes Delgado who was infatuated with Hal Mason, seems to wake up inside of her, ears pricking up with curiosity. It feels like a lifetime ago, when Lourdes was that person—before all the bugs, before Charleston, before Jamil—but the statement is so surprising and unexpected that seventeen-year-old Lourdes feels like dancing with glee. 

“What? Really?” Is all twenty-one-year-old Lourdes says.

For a split second Lourdes thinks Hal is crying again. Then she realises he’s chuckling. “Yeah,” he says. “But then I saw you kissing Jamil behind the med bus, so I kind of scrapped that plan.” 

“Oh.” She didn’t know people had seen them kiss behind the med bus. Lourdes flushes with embarrassment.

“He really loved you,” Hal continues. “I mean—I could tell. And it was terrible how things worked out for Jamil… but he was a good guy. So I guess, in a weird way, I’m kind of glad I didn’t ask you out? I mean, I didn’t want you to be hurt, but my mom always said that it was better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all.” 

Lourdes freezes again, conflicted now. He’s right, and even though it used to hurt like hell, Lourdes never regrets falling in love with Jamil. He’d been such a good person, and he’d probably would’ve never really been a guy she would’ve known if she’d never been stuck in an invasion, but he’d been so kind and thoughtful and had reminded her what it had felt like to have someone who really cared about you. On the other hand, the inner seventeen-year-old Lourdes who was formerly revelling in the idea that Hal Mason used to like her has become bitter—did he think he could never love her, then?

“Right,” Lourdes says. “And you—you would’ve never fallen in love with Maggie.” 

There’s another pause, and Hal nods. “Right. Maggie.” 

Lourdes frowns. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” Hal replies quickly. “I mean, not tonight. I’m actually pretty beat. Rough night.” 

He’s acting strange, and Lourdes is frowning in concern—because Hal hasn’t mentioned Maggie the whole time they’ve been in Chinatown, and she knows things were weird but he loves her—but she lets him pull away. Instinctively, she kisses the top of his brow before standing up. His swollen eyes flicker up at her briefly while she does, but it’s probably in surprise more than anything, because Lourdes has never done that before, but it felt right.

“I should probably get some sleep too. It’s late.” 

Hal stretches and begins to walk over to the mat where Lexi’s sleeping, but he stops and turns back as Lourdes is tidying up her discarded files. “Thanks for everything, Lourdes.” 

Lourdes shakes her head. “It’s about time I started helping you out, don’t you think?”

She looks towards him, and there’s something in his expression that makes seventeen-year-old Lourdes screech with uncertainty and her heartbeat picks up a little. Hal opens his mouth to say something, and suddenly it closes again, and he shakes his head, the something gone and Hal running a hand through his hair. “Goodnight.” 

Lourdes smiles, trying to ignore the maelstrom of emotions that have started moving about inside her.

“Goodnight.” 

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me if you liked it or if you have #criticisms :) i live for feedback


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